As we reflect on the television landscape of the past year, a selection of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that left us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.
Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to justify its existence. Briefly, as the final season started, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then came an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner declared this would be the final season. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo full of poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, viewers undeniably found joy picking apart every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was practically the least of this drama's problems. The recipient of a very rare zero star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start listing the problems. The laughably wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of wealth and consumption? The almost deliberate parade of tropes? Performances so poor they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. Except, a second season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.
Given the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but dismissive narcissist.
Naturally we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.
Shady figures convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.
In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly dull; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London rogues which felt rather simplistic.
Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you watch them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental platitudes and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.
There are clearly interesting things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Instead, the experience was akin to consuming a marketing brochure. She obviously has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.
It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even camper, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something way beyond it.
How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the shrewd inclusion of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from strangely breezy, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.
We admire the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.
Milan is een ervaren opticien met een passie voor visuele technologie en klantgerichtheid.
